This has been a common theme in my meditation
classes and conversations amongst many of my clients. So thought I would share my thoughts here for the world to also hear. I feel extremely blessed to get to do the work that I do. I pinch myself many days, because I wholeheartedly love what I do. It's my life's work. It's how I am meant to serve during my time here. I am a Yoga Teacher, Holistic Nutritionist and Spiritual Entrepreneur. But really, what that means is I help people heal and I challenge people to think differently than the way they may have always been taught. This isn't a path that most people choose. You don't go down this path to make the 'big bucks' (although it is quite possible!) I truly believe this path chose me so I could heal first, and it soon became my calling.
I like to call myself a rebel of the status quo, and I really always have been. I look back at my high school and university days and I was always out of control. I partied, I smoked, and I absolutely hated rules. Like really hated rules. Although I always did well in school and knew how to 'play the game' to get good grades, I felt trapped while my soul craved freedom. Every single Sunday, I would experience deep depression and I would feel sick to my stomach with anxiety not wanting the week to begin. To avoid these feelings, I would numb my feelings of anxiety through drinking. I did that for many years until I was introduced to yoga which completely changed my life.
Yoga taught me to feel again.
It taught me to release all these emotions I had been stuffing inside for years. It taught me to do the internal work, to peel the layers back, to show up in my authenticity, to experience truth instead of always numbing externally through keeping busy, drinking, shopping or whatever my next external gratification was. It taught me that it's completely ok that I don’t 'play by the rules', that it's ok to design my own schedule, and not want a normal traditional '9-5' job. That it's ok to define success on my own terms instead of what society tells us.
Working a corporate job wasn't me, and for years I felt guilty about this, because of what I felt others expected of me (particularly my family.) Although, they have always supported me, this was the story I was telling myself. This experience brings me to the topic of transparency and seeking internal freedom. I have been theming my classes around this very topic recently as I know I am not the only one out there that has experienced a lack of transparency and internal freedom.
Many of us are going through the motions of life, unaware of what transparency and internal freedom actually means. I see it every day. We are seeking outside external gratification for our happiness and joy. The cars, the houses, the relationships, the weddings, the shopping or the perfect body. Where what we really seek, all of us (even if we don't know it yet) is transparency and internal freedom. This is the path of awakening. We seek to be seen. One of my spiritual coaches shared the definition of transparency with me which reads: easily detected or seen through : readily understood : characterized by visibility or accessibility
Now, how many of us are standing in our truth and being transparent? This is a heavy question I know. But, here's the thing.
This is the game we are playing.
Have you asked yourself why you are here? Do you crave that feeling of internal peace? That feeling of peace and internal freedom manifests when you show up in your most raw form. You are here for a purpose and a reason. You are here to step up and show up in your truth. You are here to grow and evolve. You are here to serve. You are here to be seen. Truly seen. And the only way we can do this is by peeling the layers back, healing past traumas, understanding who we are (and who our ego has been for our whole life) and taking inspired action.
I have always been driven by goals, my whole life, until I realized that my whole life I have been connecting my self-worth with what I achieved. If I didn't achieve, I didn't feel worthy of love and belonging. If I didn't achieve I wouldn't feel free.
My ego was telling me to achieve and then once I achieve I will feel free.
If your self-worth is always connected with what you achieve, how are you going to experience internal freedom? You can't. Internal freedom comes from being unapologetically you, standing in your truth and your transparency, showing up in your authenticity, whether you achieve anything or not. We are constantly craving to be seen for who we really are. We are searching for freedom in all the wrong places. Because, financial freedom, time freedom, and whatever other kind of freedom you are searching for externally is not going to give you the internal freedom that your soul craves.
Turn inward. Do the work and this is where you will experience true joy and freedom.
Sending lots of love and light to you always,
Stephanie Morrison is a certified holistic nutritionist, registered yoga and meditation instructor with a passion for guiding others along their healing path. She uses a combination food, supplementation, homeopathics and lifestyle recommendations to create balance in the body and address the root cause of her clients health symptoms. She works in private clinic setting specializing in hormonal, digestive and emotional health.